To all the designers of Public Restrooms...

April 5, 2006 - Wednesday

To all the designers of Public Restrooms...
Current mood: blah
Category: Life

Going to the restroom has to be one of the most time wasting activities of the day. To top it all off, this natural wonder happens at the most INCONFUCKINGVENIENT times. Take, for instance, a trip to WalMart. This place is the equivalent of hell for me anyway, and then to have to go to freakin bathroom rates right up there with poking my own eye out with a fork.

I think the ladies are going to agree with me more than you fellas will, but bare with me. Here are my pet peeves about a public restroom.

• First and foremost, they wreak I dont care how many times a day someone goes in there with Lysol or how many squirts shoot from the auto air freshener, there is not a product on the face of the earth that will hide that public restroom smell.

• Stalls every big womans nightmare most of them are made too small. I have a friend that is teeny tiny and I am sure the stalls still make her look big.

• The doors on the stalls they really need to swing OUT people! Not in when you are going to go in, pull your pants down, and sit to pee, you have to be able to close the FUCKING door. It isnt pleasant to have to straddle the toilet just so you can close the door!

• Toilet paper dispensers this has to be one of my worst nightmares for some reason, they are always placed really low on the wall of the stall. I am not sure even the best contortionist is able to bend their arm in the way that it needs to be to get the toilet paper started. IF you are able to accomplish that task then your paper will inevitably rip off after one or two sheets. Normally this wouldnt be such a bad thing, but most public places use cheap ass, one ply, see through paper. So then you are stuck contorting again to get the fucker started.

• Automatic flushers these stupid things are a novel idea that is IF they dont flush before you are finished I am so tired of having my ass sprayed with pissy toilet mist. That is just unfreakinacceptable. Let me flush when I am done please?

• Hand washing half the time the water is either Arctic cold or Hell hot. There is no happy medium. Then you have a dispenser there with either pink or orange goo that they want to call soap. Most of the time it is empty but when you do get lucky enough to score some soap, it smells like an antibiotic that has rotted in its bottle.

• Paper towel dispenser always empty so then you get to "air dry" your hands. That is so convenient. Isnt it? Standing there rubbing your wet hands under cold air hoping that they will dry. Screw that noise I will dry my hands on my pants first.

I just wish that the designers of the accessories in the bathrooms would actually sit in one then maybe they would see what the hell I am talking about.

Damn I gotta pee thank GOD I am at home.

~Peace