When my son was about to turn 10 he came to me and specifically asked for a Playboy magazine. Being the liberal parent that I am, I said ABSOLUTELY not. Then after some careful consideration and the fact that he didn't ask for the ever so famous "Debbie Does Dallas" porno, and some carefully chosen verbiage with his mother, I decided What the hell! Of course I didn't tell him my decision… I wouldn't want to ruin the surprise.
The big day finally arrived. We were going out to dinner with the family. I got off work a bit late and I had to swing by the local liquor store to purchase my sons very first Playboy. I arrived to the dinner a few minutes late. I do have some couth, so I didn't whip it out in front of his grandparents, Aunt, Uncle, or cousins… I eagerly waited until the drive home.
We were in separate vehicles. He rode with his mom. I pulled up beside them and stuck the magazine to the window. I swear to God I have never seen eyes get that big. Who knew your eyes could quadruple in size? I am pretty sure he told his mom to floor it so he could get home quicker.
The details of what he did with the magazine are still unclear because there are some things a parent knows happens, but those things are better left fuzzy. I don't wanna know!
For the next 2 years he kept asking me to get him another one because he was tired of the same old pictures. I told him one was enough.
And then…
Two weeks ago… I am on the computer reading blogs, his mom is in the bedroom watching T.V. and Alex is running in and out of the house. I got up from the computer to go check on Robin and to see what Alex was up to. He was being too quiet.
This is how it was played out…
ME… (seeing that Alex had something spread out on his bed) What are you doing?
HIM… (excited as hell with a big ass grin on his face) Look at all of these!!
ME… What are they?
HIM… Playboys!! A bunch of them!!
ME… Where in the hell did you get all of those?
HIM… Ernie.
ME… Our elderly next door neighbor GAVE you dirty magazines? I am going to kill him!!
HIM… No, wait… they were out by his trash can. They were all in bundles.
ME… Ernie just threw away all of those? Did he see you taking them?
HIM… Yes he threw them away… and no he didn't see me taking them.
ME… ROBIN! Did you see what our son got?
ROBIN… I don't even want to know.
ME… Put them up. Your mom doesn't need the heart attack.
For the next few hours, he and his buddy from the neighborhood hauled those magazines in old suitcases back and forth to each others houses in Alex's wagon. They were trading them. I guess they have about a hundred between them.
I finally made him put them up.
But here is my favorite part…
So, I am sitting in my chair reading blogs, and he comes and sits on the arm of my chair with 2 magazines in tow. He is flipping through the pages and I am glancing over every once in a while to check out the articles…hehehe.
These magazines are from the 80's. Alex is making some strange disgusted like noises. I ask him what the problem is… he says… didn't they have razors in the 80's? I said of course they did. He then proceeded to say… DON'T YOU THINK THEY SHOULD HAVE USED THEM????
I pushed him off my chair.
God I love that boy.
~Peace
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