This weekend my family and I had a Yard Sale.
I love going to Yard Sales myself because of all of the "treasures" you can find "Oh honey look, a turbo-charged vegetable slicer/car engine cleaner!! It is only $1.50, but I bet I can get em down to .75 cents!" My son and I will hop in the truck every once in a while and go looking for things that we just cant live without.
And then we (being my girlie and I), realized that we have way too much shit. This past winter we have done a ton of remodeling and in the process, we have de-cluttered mountains of crap out of our house. The trash-men are scared to drive down our street due to all the heavy lifting just at our house. Either that, or they are excited at the possible workmans comp case our house could afford them!
Anyway, we decided to have a yard sale for the items that we could just not throw away or take to the dump. But the purpose of this blog is not for the items we sold at the yard sale, but for the clientele that the yard sale sign attracts. (I am sure somewhere that there is a similar blog about me showing up at someones yard sale lookin like white trash, so I feel that I can do the same heh heh heh)
The first person to show up at the sale that about had me peeing my pants, was a man in his mid to late fifties that was wearing a worn out t-shirt, a pair of kakhi shorts, and my personal favorite, a pair of mid-leg lace-up hiking boots. Thats right folks yard saling requires the proper foot attire. You never know when you might run into some deep mud or steep rock at these things.
The next one that made me laugh, actually turned out to be really sweet, but his outfit had to go. He was a bigger fella wearing overalls with a wife-beater underneath and a greasy baseball cap that had his unkempt, greasy, braided, long hair in one place. It was the overalls and wife-beater that had me almost back over the fence ya know. Made me so hot whew!
Then there was the woman who came walking up the drive. We made it a point of saying hello to everyone who came to our sale and asking them how they were doing. When we asked this lady how she was, she said "ooooh it is getting hot out here." And yes it was getting hot, but upon looking at her outfit, I knew why she was so friggin hot. Long blue wool (maybe not wool but definitely a hot fabric) pants, and a long sleeved blue shirt. LADY, it is 900 degrees out here put on some fucking shorts and a t-shirt!!
And last but not least, the IQ degenerates. I am not sure how to even go about describing this couple. But I am going to give it my best shot. They meandered around our junk picking out the Coca-Cola stuff that I had out. I was really happy about that because I have so much of it that I was ready to get rid of some of the non-essentials. He was the talker of the pair. Apparently they were married, but whomever gave them the marriage licensee obviously accepted X as the signature for the couple. They were both very smelly and werent wearing clean clothes. The car they drove was uglier than hell with a dirt and rust paint job. I am sure that was the only thing holding it together. The guy finally came up to pay for the items. The woman followed him up. He said, "I am going to pay for these and my wife is going to pay for the lamp." She grunted and handed me a fifty dollar bill. They meandered off to their car and that is when the fun started... Robins brother gave them an IQ between them of 25 at first. Robin said that was being generous. They then came back down to pick out a few more items we werent completely sure they remembered even buying the first stuff, it was kinda creepy. He was chattering on about the coke stuff and then they went back to the car. And then he grabbed something out of his car and came back over to where we were sitting. He unrolled a coke coffee mug that he had a long story for. The funny thing is that he had this mug rolled up in a friggin maxi-pad bag thats right folks, a Kotex bag. I thought my niece (17 years old) was going to fall out of her chair. After his story, he scooted back to his car. They sat there for a bit (I am sure it was to figure out how to start the car) and then they drove off. John, Robins brother, recanted his IQ of 25 and went down to a combined of 14 9 for the guy and 5 for the girl. Diann (My sister in law) was sure that they would get down the street, flip a bitch, and see our yard sale and stop again, thinking it was a whole new sale. I just hope they really are dumb enough to forget my address.
Needless to say, today I am sore, hot, tired, cranky, and a whole list of bitchy adjectives. But it was worth it for the few extra bucks we made. I just hope that I can keep my yardsaling impulses to a minimum so that I dont have to have another one ever again.
~Peace
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