BIG SKY... little plane!

June 9, 2006 - Friday

As I have stated before in my blog, I traveled a few times with the company that I work for. I live in a smaller town in Colorado, so getting from point A to point B can sometimes be a bit tricky. AND, when you work for any company, penny pinching is what they do best! The airport here in town is a small time operation with flights to Denver and Salt Lake City to connect you to your real plane. On one occasion, my company decided that it would be more cost effective (wouldnt want to use the word cheap oh no they are NOT cheap) to have us drive our own vehicles (with mileage pay) to Denver to catch our flight to Enid, Oklahoma.

Enid, Oklahoma is basically Hell. I grew up in Oklahoma (thank you for the pity) and Enid was not too far from my old stomping grounds. This town consists of more places to eat than one town should possibly have if you spell Enid backwards, you get DINE! Anyway, it is not the most pleasant of places to visit.

But my story is about the trip TO Enid not about the town itself, so I will get back on track now.

The night before we were to drive to Denver to catch our flight was one of my co-workers birthday. The tradition for his birthday was at a mutual friend/co-workers home. I knew that I had to get up REALLY early in the morning, but I could not miss the Jamison annual birthday bash. My partner and I showed up, had a couple of drinks and headed out the door around 10pm. As we were leaving Jamison was well on his way to being HAMMERED! Remember, Jamison is also scheduled to make this trek over the mountains with me and a couple of other fellas early in the morning.

5am rolls around too quickly I might add, and I am waiting for them to stop to pick me up. I was the last to be picked up because my house is on the way out of town. The car pulls up and the first thing I see is Jamison with his face pressed up against the cool glass of the car window secretly praying to GOD to take the sick away. Evidently when Merle picked Jamison up he was STILL at the house where the party was and STILL extremely inebriated. I just started laughing. In my fit of laughter, my partner (the level headed of our relationship) says Want a trash bag?. I thought that was a dandy idea and she ran in the house to grab one.

We loaded the trunk with my bags and headed to the nearest convenience store for some goodies and drinks (non-alcoholic Jamison definitely didnt need any more) for the road. Jamison came out carrying 2 gigantic things of Gatorade. My first thought was good idea, he needs the fluids but that idea quickly vanished, when to my horror, realized he had them both guzzled before we hit the next small town. But, my instinct was wrong, because shortly there after, Jamison fell asleep oh hell, who are we kidding PASSED SMOOTH OUT!

The 3 passengers breathe a sigh of relief and Merle continues around the curvy roads of the canyon. Yes, thats right, I said curvy. I am sitting in the front passenger seat jamming to the tunes on the radio, Merle is driving and singing, David is in the back seat on the drivers side catnapping, and Jamison is passed out behind me in the back seat. Winding, twisting, curving and then Jamison wakes up. Ive got to puke!

Talk about 3 people in sheer panic mode... none of us want 90 gallons of God knows what kinds of alcohol all over us or the car. I scream David! The trash bag! It is in between the seats on the floor! Grab it quick! He hands, more like throws, the bag at Jamison just in time! Jamison starts to hurl into the bag. David is a bit green having to witness it so closely, I am laughing my ass off because beside me, Merle is dry heaving and frantically rolling his window down. We pulled over in a rinky dink spot cant really even call it a town called No Name. I shit you not people this town is really called No Name, Colorado. Jamison ran into the restroom to finish his business and the other 3 of us just milled around in front of the car smoking cigs until he got done with his puke fest in No Name.

Thank goodness that the stop in No Name was his only need to rid himself of all that alcohol. We didnt have to stop again until we got to the Park-N-Fly parking lot. Although he never had to puke again, he was still really not himself. The Park-N-Fly was pretty tame and we headed to the Airport. We had just enough time to get through security and practically run through the airport to our gate.

Now, I am not stupid, and I knew that our flight from Denver to Enid would not be on a 747. Enid airport is smaller than the one at home. But I did not guess that we would be flying in a plane that was basically a hot water heater with wings. The name of our Airline was Big Sky Airlines. I was thinking yeah right big sky little plane! We didnt even get the pleasure of walking down the little tunnel and right into the plane. Oh no! We had to walk across the tarmac to our plane. I boarded this plane (I am damn near 6 foot tall) and had to hunch over, almost completely bent in half. I got to my assigned seat. I sat down, ate my knees, and could reach across the plane to the other window without much stretching. This was a small dang plane.

I resigned myself to the fact that this could be a long trip, but if I just slept the whole way, I would be just fine and it would be over before I knew it. The pilot came over the loudspeaker but I couldnt hear him let alone understand anything he had to say. The engine sound was equivalent to a lawn mower that needed a tune up really really bad! We rolled down the runway. I was almost positive that the captain had dropped open a panel in the floorboard to use his Flinstone feet to get the plane going. Up in the air we went. Finally! Now maybe I can sleep. Who was I kidding? The plane didnt get any quieter and my ears were popping so bad that all I could do was try to stretch out my legs in the non-existent isle and stare off into space. I did look out the window at the scenery passing by below. I was over the wing. Holy crap! What is that? Is that no it cant be duct tape? Oh My GOD! It is. I sure hope that part of the plane isnt vital because there was grey duct tape holding it on.

I am now starting to get freaked out. I take a sip of my Soda. Ok I will read. That will take my mind off this creepy flying hot water heater. I was fumbling around for my book when I looked up and saw something that scared me worse than the duct tape. In this particular plane, the captain and his co-pilot, could be seen. There was no protective barrier between us and them. The captain of the plane was reading a newspaper. Now I know that planes mostly fly themselves, but the problem was not with the newspaper, or the fact that he was reading it while flying, but that he was FLYING THE PLANE WITH HIS KNEE! I about passed out at this point. I just closed my eyes and by the grace of God, I fell asleep.

I woke up when I heard the rattle of the loudspeaker. We were about to land at the gigantic Enid International Airport. One terminal, one gate, one security officer, and sweet ground! I was never so happy to be in a plane that landed. I almost kissed the tarmac as I stepped down off the plane, but I was too worried about being able to walk upright again.

The rest of the trip was pretty mild and we accomplished the assigned company mission. I will never forget that trip or the fellas I went with. At least that is one good thing about working with a bunch of loonies and having to trek off to heaven knows where to get the job done.

~Peace!